The bullying/hazing
gone terribly too far or whatever you call the situation involving the Miami
Dolphins and two of their offensive linemen is a sad state of affairs. In a
time where bullying and hate crimes are big news, especially when it involves
children and/or young adults, whether in person and/or online, you see the NFL
dragged into this issue. Let’s be clear. There is a difference between bullying
and hazing, but neither are good things. Hazing is the practice of using
(usually) verbal and/or “light” physical abuse or embarrassment to “test” or in
some people’s eyes “toughen up” a person who is applying to or auditioning for
a “private” social group, like a fraternity or sorority, or is joining a
special group, like the military or, in this case, a pro football team.
These so-called
“rites of passage” are as old as these organizations and are designed to test
the mettle of the new person by the “experienced” members of the group. The
other goal of this is to make them stronger and “part of the team”. You have
seen such portrayed in movies and so on. Unfortunately, some folk take it too
far. People have been hurt and yes, killed from these acts. Many fraternities
and sororities, including my fraternity, Kappa Alpha Psi, Inc. has publically
outlawed the practice for these and other reasons. Not all, speaking from
personal experience, agree with such, but most respect the decision from their
group’s leadership.
Bullying, is the
practice of physically and/or mentally attacking a person who may be, or is
perceived to be, physically and/or mentally “weaker” than the attacker(s). It
may also be a case where the attacker has “issues” of his or her own and choose
to attack another to help ease their own pain. This is mostly done in school
especially middle and/or high school or even in one’s college years, especially
that freshman or maybe sophomore year. The usual example is a larger kid
pushing on a kid who is smaller than average, or is really shy or possibly
disabled in some obvious or not-so-obvious way. We have seen several cases on
the news of teenagers and young adults committing suicide (or other bad things)
as a result of physical, verbal and/or online bullying. Some of the
perpetrators and/or their parents feel that the attackers did nothing wrong,
even if such caused the victim’s death via suicide and so on.
It is reasonable to
believe that some of the recent heinous attacks done by teenagers or young
adults that caused death and mayhem (Columbine, Sandy Hook Elementary) were
folk who were victims of bullying or hazing-like activities themselves and many
innocent adults and/or children died and families were destroyed as a result. As
I write this, the story about the alleged bullying between these two very large
ADULT men keeps changing by the minute. I have heard speculation that Jonathan
Martin is a homosexual and Incognito was holding such over his head. Some say
that Martin is “soft” (meaning too weak in the very macho environment of pro
football, especially as a lineman who have to be some of the toughest men on
the field every single play and Incognito was attempting to “toughen” Martin up
and went over the line (and may have been ordered or requested to do this by
others, possibly the Miami coaching staff). Now we hear another Miami player
claim that Martin played the disturbing message in the locker room for all to
hear and was laughing about it. Which is it?
Let’s be clear.
Even in jest, and even if both the recipient of the statement and the person
who said the words both understand the comments were not to be taken seriously
(and I cannot see how that can be the case here), THE WORDS SHOULD NEVER HAVE
BEEN SAID! The words were vile and
totally inappropriate. The comments made about (his) mother alone would have
set me off, if I were Martin. People joke about a lot of things. Making jokes,
or in this case, threats about one’s mother (or sister or brother of father) is
out of bounds in basically every case. Incognito should never had uttered the
words. I am not commenting on the N-word, for enough folk have already taken
care of that. I don’t use that word at all. Not in jest, not in greeting to
other African-Americans (though I have family members and friends who do all
the time), not ever. I would only say the word if I am getting paid handsomely
to say the word (meaning TV or movie role). I don’t say it just because. Every
race has a similar word or two that would provoke similar reactions.
Some speak about
Martin badly because he is bi-racial. Or because he was raised in a nice home
(I presume) and attended private schools and attended college at Stanford. So?
Our current President is ******* bi-racial! I am a bi-racial man and I attended
a private Catholic school. (Okay, just for kindergarten.) Many great folk went
to Stanford. Tiger Woods is also multi-racial and he attended there before he
started playing pro golf. Colts QB Andrew Luck graduated from there, as did
many other NFL players. What is wrong with that?
All I can say
today that the rumors and whatever else is flying back and forth faster than I
can type about it…and it will continue for a while…probably beyond the end of
this season. I am not sure how this will turn out, but this is a wakeup call to
all sports locker rooms (and it should be everyone, everywhere) of where routine
(and should it be?) rookie hazing needs to be stopped. NOW! Bullying and hazing
are not good for kids or teenagers, male or female. Why should any of us believe it is any better
for adults of any age, gender or size, regardless of their background or life
experience? Answer THAT!
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